Lexa Finley

When I sat down to write my Tuesday Night Intuitive and Spiritual Development Class, I had my guides give me some information on forgiveness that I would like to share with you, they posed a few questions for me to ask the class and I expounded:

What if you decide to change your view of the people who hurt you the most in two ways?  (This could help you to forgive them…)

1. What if you set up that relationship? What if you asked them to treat you the way you did so you could learn the lessons you needed to learn? I set up a
   Dad who was emotionally unavailable. He also provided the minimum
   amount of financial assistance he could get away. Why did I pick a Dad
   like this? So that I could learn to be a responsible person on a different level than I ever have. So that I could learn to validate myself on a different level than I ever have. For me at this point, I am glad he was selfless enough to do what he did for me.

1. What if you were aware of what this person going through when they were in your life? My Dad was so wounded and unloved as a child that he had nothing to draw from to give to me and it was all he could do to survive himself. What
   will change for you as you look at where the other person was coming
   from? For me, at this point, I am pleased that he was at least able to
   provide me with a physical body to learn my lessons through.

What the class did was to allow me to guide them through moving the energy off of the relationship and look to see the answers to the above questions. It gave healing to everyone and has already made a significant difference in their area of forgiveness to themselves and others. I encourage you to look at the same questions and see if you don’t find the answers helpful to you!

I have had clients and friends talk about people in their lives who did bad things to them and they feel like victims. What I continue to see in readings is that the people who we did bad things, actually taught us a lot. That maybe we are not victims, but that we signed up to learn lessons from these people and they loved us enough to be able to follow through with the things we agreed upon before taking our human bodies. I know for me that the tough experiences I went through in my childhood enabled me to be able to leave my body and have a much stronger connection to spirit than if I would have been present. I know that I have learned a lot of things I do not want to do, seen many ways I do not want to behave. If I had not had examples in front of me to show me how not to be, I might have become that way. Sometimes, we need to see what not to do, so that we won’t do it.

Who do you feel has wronged you? If you can pull back at look to see what you learned from the experience, the good that came out of it, could you forgive a little easier? If you look at that person who wronged you as a teacher instead of an assailant could you forgive a little easier? How good would it feel to know that you are not a victim, but right smack dab in the middle of your path learning what you need to learn? Take a moment to view your “bad” experiences from a different angle, and see how easy it is to make peace with them.

It is Tuesday and I have spent the most part of this past week processing my spirit guides message that I have a block that needs to be uncovered. I have talked with friends, my loving sister, and had a psychic that I had not seen in several years show up at an event I hosted all of which gave me gobs of information to help me with my block. Spirit really does support us when we need help and are ready to receive it.

What I know about my childhood is that I had a bipolar (non-diagnosed) abusive/loving mother and an unavailable father (though he has now stepped up to the plate and is amazing). When I asked myself what the block they were talking about could possibly be, I realized that I had very few memories of my life until age 10 to 12. What I do remember up until the age of 3 is several spankings with my pants down and the belt or an appliance cord delivering the blow, from my irrational, yelling, screaming mother; several times when she rocked me lovingly; several dreams; and being made to wear my wet panties on my head if I could not make it to the bathroom in time.  From ages 3 to 5 I only have a few memories, some good, some not good. Then up to age 10, I have vague memories of parts of events but no real solid connection to them. From age 12 and up, I have a pretty good memory of my past. It makes me wonder how much other people remember their childhood.

As I thought about my childhood, I realized that these lapses in memory meant I was out of my body frequently. Previously, I did not realize I was out of my body that much. I now know from experience that if it is too painful to be in the body, we check out and spend our time in another place, somewhat like daydreaming. In trying to find the big block, I figured the trauma must have happened somewhere pretty early and I was not sure how to go about uncovering it. In talking to my sister, my friends, and the wonderful psychic I also call my friend, I came to realize that it was not the incident or incidents that was the block–it was what I gained from those experiences that was the block. I realized I was stuck in a place of not forgiving. I had tried to forgive but could not make peace with my childhood. I was stuck being a victim.

What I now realize is this: before I took a human body, I choose the parents I had in order to learn specific lessons. I knew that my mother came from a long line of abuse and would be abusive. I knew that my dad came from a long line of emotional blockage and would be unavailable. So why, I asked myself, did I pick such a hard childhood? Because the bigger the lessons, the bigger, deeper experiences you need to really own them. This realization in itself gave me some peace.

Here is the other thing I learned about myself. I could have chosen to continue on the same path as my parents, been abusive or unavailable, or even an addict, but, I choose to step up and do my best to be a loving, caring and present parent. I choose to do my best to honor all my friends and loved ones with the same present, caring love. I know that our past can’t help but define us. We either choose to help us be a better person or a victim. I am now choosing to let go of being a victim. I now know that I got exactly what I needed to be who I am and to help others be who they are.

So the real block is not what I covered up, but the knowledge of how those experiences helped me, whether I consciously remember them or not. At this point, I feel like if I saw my mother I could actually give her a hug because I wanted to, not because I thought I had to.

There is a song by country singer Tim McGraw that has a line in it that says, “Someday, I’m gonna love me.” When I heard that several years ago, it made me cry and I wondered if the day would ever come that I would love me. I heard that song yesterday and I realized I have come along way with this new awareness. I finally do love me and it feels awesome!